We arrived on a gloriously sunny Friday afternoon to a well organised entrance with no queues and no attitude. This was such a very pleasant change from the usual hanging around to get to the gate. Straight into the camping area and up with the tents and gazebo. Fab, that was easy!

Lost Vagueness is at the very height of British middle-class eccentricity. A ballroom and bar equipped with champers, spirits and classy cocktails, not a beer in sight here. None of the usual trance orientated dance music for this lot.

The music ranged from 40s swing to up to date beats, every act so vastly different from the last. Where else in festival land would you shake your stuff to a Rajasthani wedding band? The Jaipur Kawa Brass Band certainly took me back to the land of the fakirs and I was surprised not to see camels waiting on the horizon.
Other musical extravaganzas included the Young Blood Brass Band (traditional brass sounds fused with a mix of jazz and hip hop) and the Priscillas (high kicking rock antics in PVC!).

Also on offer is the casino, provided that you are dressed appropriately, jeans and trainers just will not do! Blackjack, craps, roulette, whatever is your gambling favourite, all represented here. Purchase your tokens and gamble away whilst watching such astounding acts which ranged from Roxy the seriously sexy pole dancer; the astounding trapezes of the Swinging Elvises to magnificent Lucifire, a Torture Garden regular, with her amazing fire act.

By 1am on Saturday morning, the vicar was on stage, surrounded by the very naughty nuns. It must be time for a mass wedding. Amazingly there were brides everywhere, dressed appropriately with white dresses and veils and those were just the guys! A few minutes later and the vicar had declared the ceremony over and the happy couples were free to celebrate their nuptials in a marriage guaranteed to last at least a day.

Nowhere else in festival land have I seen so many people, and particularly the chaps, getting into the spirit of the occasion and dressing with such panache. Amazingly beautiful people abounded in outfits including tuxedos, ball gowns, flamenco dresses, Victorian corsets and Wellingtons! It could almost have been ladies day at Ascot, but with a distinct twist! It really was such a pleasure to see everyone making such an effort. This is particularly notable as it rained incessantly all day Saturday, luckily breaking around 8pm, in time for the evening festivities to commence. Once again everyone dressed for the occasion and a wild night was had by all.

If you think that sounds bizarre, how about a visit to the Insect Circus? A ride on the carousel? Or watching an elegantly dressed (in white shirt, bow tie & tails) gentleman playing kickin’ break-beat to cocktail drinking clubbers sitting in a converted aeroplane cockpit?

As far as amenities go, Lost Vagueness has made a great effort to go that extra mile to provide home comforts. The toilets, usually the bane of the festival goer, were clean and well stocked with Molton Brown hand wash & hand cream (yes, really!) and hot showers were available (free of charge). There was even an ice-cream van providing ice-creams, Sloggi knickers and other Sloggi freebies (yes, that’s right, free ice cream & knickers!). This certainly is a cut above any other festival that I or my friends have ever been to.

Even the sales outlets were different. At most festivals it seems the stallholders have all been to the same wholesale warehouse full of festive hippy-shit. Here, Stig was showing his amazing fetish furniture made out of reclaimed iron scrap and Georgie her erotic art prints. I can’t remember the name of the lady making (cheap!) clothing out of silk saris, but the skirt I bought is double-sided, different, looks good…and I didn’t need to take out a mortgage to buy it!

Lost Vagueness is weird, wild & wacky. In fact this festival is seriously ludicrous! Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes, most definitely.

But LOST Vagueness? No – I didn’t lose any of mine. Why else do you think it’s taken so long to review?

Eli Saikadeli

for more photos click here