When you first walk in the shop, be honest. Go straight up to the counter and say, "Excuse me Mr. Recordshopman I have only recently purchased a set of turntables and I would like to buy some music. Can you help me out?" It’s that simple. Well it might be.

What is most probable to happen is something like this...
The moment you walk through the door you will immediately walk out again. The first thing you will notice about record shops is that they are very noisy places. If you have tinnitus or are hard of hearing don’t go into a record shop. In fact if you have tinnitus or are hard of hearing you should not be learning to DJ. Actually, if you don't have tinnitus and you are not hard of hearing then this is a good time to start avoiding record shops, DJ's and the like. None of these do the ears any good.
So, you take a deep breath and enter the shop once more. What you have inside is hard to describe to the innocent. There will be a counter. For the purposes of this article we will call this 'the counter'. Behind and in front of the counter will be lots and lots of records. We will call these the 'tunes', also known as the 'toons' and sometimes 'choons'. This is where the problems start. Somewhere behind the counter, very very rarely in front of it, will be the 'man.' Now this is the person that needs to be dealt with in order that you can walk back out the door with some tunes in your hand. It sounds simple but for the unsure insecure or unaware it is not. The 'man' will have lots of names but for now we will just call him DJ Brian.

To buy a tune you usually need to listen to it first. That is unless you are very lucky and have the rare ability to 'read' vinyl without touching it. To listen to a tune you will have to talk to Brian. Now Brain will have a slightly different language from what you may be used to. You wont be able to ask him a simple question like, "what do you recommend," or "can I have listen to some new stuff." Things aren't that easy. He will screw up his face and start asking lots of lots of confusing questions Words such as techno, house, remix or even gabba might pop up. Don't be scared he's not going to hurt you. Also, don't be thrown, at the end of the day a record shop is a very simple place. It is a shop full of music; don't let anyone make you believe otherwise.

Just say your not too sure what style your into at the moment, but could he give you a selection and you will let him know what tickles your ear buds. Brian may smirk or frown but worry not you are on safe ground. Now take your wobbly tower of vinyl over to one of the turntables. Choose well; avoid the one that has headphones covered in ear and dreadlock wax. Also avoid the deck that looks like it belongs in a Lego house. It will probably have a wheel on the side you have to turn to start it and may have an exhaust at the back. Once settled, check there is a needle/cartridge on the end of the arm. Brian will find it very amusing if you don't notice this old trick.
The secret of record shopping is not to buy everything. Even if you have all your Christmas/birthday/bank job money in your pocket, do not be tempted to buy all the music that you hear. Most of it will be shit, or at the very least not very good. One of the first skills a DJ must learn is spotting and recognising good, quality music. Forget beat matching, spin backs, slip mats and back flips if you got shit music you will be a shit DJ. End of story. Something that some people out there need to have pointed out to them.

A good idea for your first few expeditions is to limit yourself to just buying one or two tunes. However good the others sound leave them alone. Force yourself to make a choice. With practice you will know within two seconds if a track is for you or not. To start with you will probably find yourself listening to the whole thing. That’s ok, enjoy it. Tap your foot, close your eyes and reach for the lasers. Just be careful when you start hugging the people next to you. Some may not appreciate this too much. However you can guarantee Brian will be rolling around the floor.

There you are, you have made your choice. Take those you don't want back to the counter (never, ever leave them by the decks). Hand over your chosen, pay the requested amount, take the proffered bag, thank Brian and walk out. Whatever you do, do not get sucked into going for a hike on the flyer mountain by the door. This is reserved for partners who foolishly accompany their loved ones record shopping. There you are outside in the fresh air, listening to the ringing in your ears, with a strange feeling of satisfaction and self worth. All you have to do is repeat this several times, over many years and you might make it. You never know you might end up on friendly terms with Brian and he might end up inviting you to one of his mate’s squat parties. Don't. One thing, I can guarantee is that you will go home and mix those first two tracks from one to the other until the needles wear down. Choose carefully because they will be going around and around in your head until your dying day.

© Antony Lopez